Editing

I never realized how many times I use the word 'had' and 'was' in my writing until I began to edit my own pieces. I generally avoid doing so and prefer others to do it for me (such as in workshops). The current short story I'm working on needs some major revisions. I'd written it over a year ago and figured I could take on the challenge of discovering just how much I suck.

Sentences have been cut and surprisingly few words added. I tend to assume that more words equal better works and, well. No. Is it odd that I do exactly what I berate others for when I take pen to their writing? I'm finding the same comma errors and superfluous words in my short stories I tend to threaten other writers with death with! Is it being blind to ones own flaws or thinking certain things are perfect in pieces an author takes pride in?

I'm not sure. Maybe I'll never be sure. All I know is that this particular bit of dyke literature will be better once I'm done ripping it to shreds with my red mighty pen and send it off to be looked at by a friend. It'll be this works - fourth? Fifth? run through the proverbial shredder. Hopefully this time I might be able to consider it 'done' or at least as close as it's going to get.

A lofty (and arrogant) goal, yes, but what am I going to do without them? I do love the piece I'm working on and hopefully others don't think it's some pompous lesbian stereotypical angst. Cliche is cliche for a reason and I'm doing my damnedest to steer away from it.

Back to work. Until next time!

Bull, Horns, Ect,.

A good portion of people think horoscopes are full of bullshit. They're generalized, they don't really work, how can the planets say something about you, personally, etc., and it's come to my attention that I don't give a flying butt on what other people think of them. For myself, I believe in horoscopes, Tarot cards, the whole she-bang. Ninety-nine percent of psychics are fraud but then again, I told a kid someone was dying when his mother had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the eighth grade because the cards told me. I had never seen the boy before.

Lately, my horoscopes and Tarot cards have been giving me a rather specific message: get your life together and DO something about it.

On behalf of the Tarot cards, I asked them a while back the typical single-girl question of "Give me the low down on my lack of love life, please?". Usually when I ask things about myself, they like to tell me to go figure out myself, bugger off, and stop asking questions. That particular time, they told me that I am going to be alone for quite a while, go through a time filled with darkness and pain all alone and lost even when surrounded by people, and in the end it would leave me happy with a lot of paths opening up to me. I'm pretty sure this is the time of alone and lost and darkness because, whoo, my brain is not exactly the nicest place in existence but it gives hope that the crap times will end at some point.

The horoscope's have been telling me I've stopped taking control of my life and falling complacent. Too true - being laid off and strung along by the jobs (oh yeah, both of them) threw me into a clusterfuck of 'what now'. The only physical thing in life keeping me grounded right now is karate and when my three paid months come to an end in August, I don't know if I'll be able to afford more. That'll be super fun.

Every sign I'm getting says I have to DO something, CHANGE something. I have to find something to jump at and do it. Problem is that whatever's out there, I totally don't see it. The plan has been to move in with Dad but he doesn't have his own place in Virginia yet and I have about two hundred and fifty dollars in the bank period, with an insurance payment coming out in two weeks and another car payment coming up. Can't move anywhere, there are no job opportunities in this freaking place anywhere. What, exactly, am I supposed to do?

The more I write this the more I realize this is the talk of someone whose worst choices came from within and not from an outside source. So many people don't have choices on what drastic things change in their life, either from being thrown out of their homes, fired without notice, or, hell, shot in the back of the head when things get nasty. My problems have all stemmed from mental illnesses and if not for the support of those around me, I wouldn't be here anymore. There's no background, to me, on what to do or how to say it.

Maybe I'll edit a story of mine, throw it out there to see if anyone in interested. Kelly is ten times more talented than myself but seeing someone I know (and adore dearly, major hearts for Kelly) get published and go out there again is inspiration. Maybe I'll go to Virginia and chill out with Dad in his hotel, find a job there doing something. Maybe Vancouver, although I can't get any jobs out there just yet.

Maybe in learning Japanese, I'll meet a nice person from Japan and be whisked away to Tokyo or a small town or something. Who knows.

Nothing will get done unless I DO something, right? Right. Until next time!

Surviving Work

I need to understand the mindset of people in charge of offices and I need to do it fast. My two previous half-finished rants were written in the heat of anger and discarded as soon as I realized I was being a huge grouch. This particular upset is something that has been a long-time irritation of mine and something I beleive everyone working in the retail business with less than straightlined bosses can identify with.

The key to running a smooth office is akin to keeping up a good relationship: communication. In this case, I am scheduled to be laid off from my office job and have been told my usual summer job at the hardware store won't be needing me. I spoke to Bossman at the office job; in lieu of my root canal, he said to take of Monday (yesterday) and I asked him to call me over this previous weekend to tell me whether or not he wanted me in this upcoming week.

I worked seventeen hours this weekend for the last time at the hardware store. As far as I know, I never received a call or text message from the Bossman or Bosslady, my supervisor who works directly under him. According to her, she called me once yesterday morning and sent a text -asking where I was-. I don't doubt her as I am still getting used to my Droid and have yet to figure out all this notification mumbo-jumbo that's associated with it. So, I set up an interview with an ice cream place and a day of typical jobless relaxation before the panic set in.

Oh. I also signed up for unemployment. While not something I wanted to do, I saw it as a sign of Doing What I Need To In Order To Survive and thus a sign of maturity. My first summer after being laid off I was too proud to go back to the hardware store or sign up for unemployment. If I had done either of those things, my bank account probably wouldn't be in the shambles it is today. It guaranteed me enough to pay for food, gas, car, and cars insurence, which is all I really give two craps about. My other bills are secondary, frankly, mainly because my mother is affected by any lack of payment on aforementioned car.

This morning, another text message. As I was about to head into the dentist to get my temporary filling inspected (part of it sloughed off yesterday, much to my panic), I got another call from my lovely Bosslady. I sent her a text asking what was up and explaining why I didn't call her back just that second. The resulting conversation frustrated me to no end.

In an effort to not explode on her via text message, I sent another to a coworker of mine. We share the same opinion on Bosslady, he's just a wee bit more vocal about it than myself. He suggested I text Bossman, asking if they needed me in that day because he hadn't talked to me about it previously and being me, I was very confused.

According to Bossman, no, they did not need me today. They had two other people coming in. He -did- make a point of asking me if I could come in tomorrow. Fabulous. Twenty-four hour notice is all I ask, really. Luckily for them, I am unemployed (technically) so why yes, I -can- go in tomorrow. How thoughtful to ask instead of calling me at ten in the morning tomorrow and demanding to know where I was and when I was getting my candy ass in to work.

What seems to be lacking in this whole situation? You've got it, folks! What's missing from this is actually -talking- to one another. It's quite the novel concept and in this day in age it's so very hard to get in contact with one another. FaceBook, text messages, instant messages, phone calls, and plain ol' chit-chatting in the office just doesn't cut it, not really. It's all about the slap-and-dash things, demands, and angry phone messages.

This isn't a post about surviving retail although I wish it were. This post and rant is all about surviving bosses and the frustration they bring, especially when on the larger scale of things they aren't the meanest of people. Bossman has his moments of being a dillweed, this I'll be the first to aknowledge. For the rest of it, he's just a bit absent minded (or chooses not to remember) and an overall nice guy with a few repressed issues. Bosslady tends to be the stereotypical Italian Jersey woman and is not very fun to work with.

It's a balance. I've gotten to the point in my working career where I've gotten used to the constant push and pull of emotions. When bossman is angry, you avoid him like the plague. Bosslady gets yelled at, you avoid her or compliment her shoes. It's what goes on in a small office without cubicles or secrets. It sucks.

Once more for the sake of being redundent: communication. Bosses out there - learn it. Employees - don't ever expect it. They're easier to deal with than customers but ultimately last a lot longer.

Until next time.

Absolutely Nothing Worth Talking About.

But I will anyway. This blog is to document things, right? So they'll be documented, whether they're interesting or not.

Ashley and I will be doing a comic based on my short stories. She wants to do an entire series as I have about four of them in my head. One is already finished (The Little Mermaid), another is being written (Little Red Riding Hood), and Beauty and the Beast is entirely written in my brain. Rumplestiltskin is forming as is an original fairy tale. None of them will be NC17 although they'll involve nudity and, for some, dirty thoughts. Especially Riding Hood. Claude (the wolf) is something of a Sick Bastard.

Ashley's art is lovely; I have the upmost faith in her ability to portray the stories correctly. As i will be overseeing production and the stories, this quality will be assured. The short things were never meant for publication so I have no qualms on them being displayed to the public.

Linking will occur when we have it up and running, of course.

That's pretty much the only thing worth talking about. Everything else in life is mundane, right down the continued use of soy milk instead of Milk milk, Daddio enjoying his job, and being able to-

OH. I've been drawing again! Expect pictures. I like them.

Until next time and hopefully a longer post!

Not Counting At This Moment!

The weight loss bit has been going badly but! I've gone to every class I can and most of my nasty eating habits are being weaned away. This is one journey for myself I'm refusing to give up.

My lack of updates isn't an indicator at lack of interest. Let us consider it a sign of me being Super Crazy Busy instead: life has thrown at me a job, lack of job, lack of money, karate, too much karate, not enough sleep, not enough time. No time for updating this blog, especially since I don't want to update with a single line of 'life is nuts, will post later'. Not my style! Heh.

Sensei told me that Shihan (her husband) said I impressed him a lot and that I caught on quickly. She said I was from a Tae Kwon Do background but that was for ten months over ten years ago so I seriously don't count it. My balance is horrible, my pushups are just barely the bending of elbows, my kick isn't straight, my punch is too high, I kick with my toes or heel instead of the balls of my foot.

Oh, well. I will be doing my little exercise DVD on the days I don't have class. Despite my gigantic sweet tooth, my happy butt with conquer! And write! And draw! I've been drawing more, perhaps a thing that's led to less updates. It's been keeping me busy and no less happier for it.

Work is keeping me on for an extra two weeks. Two weeks less of unemployment, two weeks more to find a summer job, and two more weeks of honest to god paychecks. Thank goodness for that as the car payments aren't getting cheaper and the car insurance is going to be coming out soon. Guh! My brain is going to explode with the stress. Knock on wood, though. Knock on wood.

Stories have been running through my face. Let's hope they get down on paper. Until next time!

Karate/Weight Loss: Day 7

My steady winter job ends this week. This typically means I go back to my hardware store job and, luckily, it means I can tell them the times I need off for karate! I'm quite excited about that prospect, especially since I will be running around and lifting things all day with only one opportunity to really eat; Summer time is when I loose my weight. Winter I'm in an office setting, on the phone and typing the entire time.

I'm not sure why I'm getting so excited over the simple things like cleaning, exercise, and eating better. A few years back, I completely mocked these things, counted them as 'hippie' things or someone trying to be too green or preppy. Since then, I've started to use a menstrual cup - what the heck is more hippie and green than THAT!?

Now, I wake up, take my vitamins almost immediately. They include a high dose of B12 complex, two green tea extracts twice a day, and (when I can FIND it again) a once-a-day womans vitamin with some Gaurana mixed in there somewhere. Tea consists of natural sugars and soy milk with pure black teas except on the rare days I feel fancy, then it's hinted with peppermint.

Junk food is more of a habit and convenient food than anything I honestly crave. Sometimes I get hit with the overwhelming need to consume large amounts of Starburst Jellybeans because those things are so good it kills me (literally). everything else is all because of cheap and easy texture, something to eat at night when I cannot have any more tea (caffine content, sadly) and fruits just don't seem right. Other than that, things are okay.

The bad part is that I either misread my scale or I gained six pounds since last week. I'm choosing to believe I misread the scale. :) It's better for us all that way.

Karate is going wonderfully! I'm enjoying my kata and I'm learning the godawful long names. All the sempai are horribly helpful and put up with my clumsy mistakes. Bella has nothing on my butt when it comes to tripping over my own feet in turns and just trying to keep balance. My knuckles are becoming tougher, a surprising fact that pleases me. My right toe still has the blister, it's gotten bigger and has begun to toughen into what i hope is a callous. My left toe though... It's the foot I spin on the most. The blister burst but the skin under is quickly becoming stronger than the previous layer.

HA! My body is beginning to triumph!

I have never felt so motivated to be a part of an activity such as Karate. Tae Kwon Do when I was a kid was fun but that was in the mindset that I was about to go kick some other kids behind with my 'skills'. Karate, at least to me now, is about control of my body and what I tell it to do. It's becoming stronger! An adult! It's living up to my and other peoples expectations - Sensei, Y-Sensei, and the sempai are all trying so hard to help me that if I do badly, I feel I would be letting them down.

They are lovely people. I will NOT let them down! I will do my turns and keep my wrists straight, keep my shoulders squared and legs further apart. I will be able to go into the deep stance, the signature move of my dojo. In the famous words of Queen Victoria: I will be good.

Now, I'm going to do laundry and tidy my room before getting ready for class. I need to iron my gi before class tonight.

Until next time!

Midnight Sun

I'm going to admit it, blog: I read the chapters of "Midnight Sun" Meyer had posted on her website. It had previously been a point of pride that I never read anything by her, nothing of Twilight save for brief excerpts that made me hate her for the horrid grammar and inability to lead a plot line to something interesting. Until two weeks ago it worked out well for me.

My friend purchased the comic version of twilight and in hopes of being able to 'read' it without all of Bella's irritating inner monologues and self doubts that I had been able to absorb even from the small bits I had been able to get my hands on, I actually picked the book up. It kept with all of my assumptions and expectations. Bella still came off as annoying and self centered as I had thought. Edward interested me, however slightly. A few of his lines were quite amusing.

When it came to my attention that there was a version of Twilight from Edward's point of view, I went to her website and dug it up. Even her Authors Note had me twitching: I've read too many internet-only authors who whined the same way she did, emoted and whimpered about losing interest because someone slighted them or their works. Regardless, I spent the next two days and long hours reading the damned thing.

Jasper and Alice came off as slightly badass. Edward read as something slightly less annoying than Bella with much more character development. He's very analytical and, true to claims, horribly masochistic.

I'm not about to bitch and moan about the character development (rather, lack thereof on the part of Bella and how exactly Edward got his feelings for her) but to discuss the writing style in general.

It read like a typical fanfiction. I write fanfiction on the side, I know how easy it is to slip into the cadence of simple writing and quick bursts of plot followed by weak attempts to create rich and inviting characters instead of mixing the two. Every word should move the story forward was not something Meyer seemed to learn in Creative Writing while in high school. She tries to insert large words where shorter, more precise words would have been much more appropriate in an attempt to sound like a 'real writer'. Meyer overcompensates for perceived lacking in her writing - maybe she reads too many critiques online.

If she wrote fiction for the sole purpose of posting it on the internet as opposed to charging people to -read- it, I'm sure she would have been quite popular. A truly fantastic fanfiction writer is Maldoror; if SHE wrote a novel, I would definitely purchase it and immediately. She took Gundam Wing to a believable and fantastic level in 'Freeport' and 'The Arrangement'.

Unfortunately for Meyer, fanfiction writing doesn't translate well into the real world of writing. There is a harsh and sometimes startling difference between writing for a novel with a specific audience and writing fanfiction for a specific audience. In an attempt to not insult the entire fanfiction reading community, I will word this next statement as delicately as possible: if you are writing a fanfiction for a show, series, or movie, most people are just satisfied with decent in-character depictions of already established characters and acceptable writing. It's hard to find a writer worth their salt writing fanfiction so when they do, people jump and latch on as if they were a male angler fish.

Writing for a novel is different. Unless you are writing for the Star Trek or some major fan-based novel series, you don't have a previously created plot line to work from nor do you have characters that people (fans) are automatically familiar of and know how their minds work. Everything you do is from scratch; you can't depend on people inferring everything based on what they already know of the characters of the world.

The Twilight series is written as a fanfiction. Meyer herself has stated that it was originally based on a dream she had - many stories have been, don't get me wrong. The difference between a novel based on a dream and a novel that sounds like a fanfiction based on a dream is that she gets caught up in her 'ideal' characters and refuses to let them grow through her writing. It seems to me that she has decided they are fully grown and will never become anything more, no matter how many thousands of words she may have written with them as an overly pretty backdrop to an equally pretty but poorly written plot.

While Edward's voice is sometimes very amusing (admittedly, I laughed once or twice, out loud), it cannot mask Meyer's voice. When you're reading and get the thought of, "This is actually not bad. I wonder how the original author would have written it. -Oh." there is something wrong.

Long story short, I do not think I'm going to bother with reading any more of Meyer's works. Not only does the underlying idea of systematic abuse, obsessive stalking*, and changing yourself for the 'perfect' guy upset me as a person but her style of writing, her voice, and her grammar simply drives me up the wall.

At least I gave it a chance. I can now honestly say 'It's not for me' and not have people try to shoot me down by asking if I have ever read it. Rock on.

Until next time, bloggers.


*To counter that, Edward -does- tweak a little at acting like a stalker.