T-Minus Thirty Three Days

A car, I has it. After a too-long trip to the dealership on Saturday, I am now in possesion of a 2009 Mitsubishi Galant. It's still the honeymoon period, we're learning all about one another and, in all, I am quite content with it. It only raised my monthly payment a bit. Fingers are crossed, eh?

I don't think I've properly expressed how utterly pissing scared I am of this trip. I've never lived outside of my relatively small ton; my visits to other places have been just that - short trips limited to a few days, maybe a week, but always knowing I have that plane trip back home.

I'm terrified. I don't do things like this! I plan, make lists, plot well ahead of time. This isn't me prepared. This is me in a blind and utter panic, throwing myself into the whirlwind of a whim and clutching to a whisper of a prayer that it'll be okay.

It'd be a lie to say I haven't gotten cold feet. This weekend, since the accident, I've been doubting whether or not I could afford it. If I get hit with a huge financial strike, it may not happen. It's the skin of my teeth but fuck if I'm going to be giving up now. It'd be so much easier to just say, nope, can't do it, and burrow into the warm blanket of life that is my own. Not leaving would mean less stress, less hyperventilating over things I can't change. I'd be loosing less hair.

Maybe.

Staying means the continued circle of everything. While I like my life, it's became the same thing, day in and day out, with small hitches and kinks just enough to throw some spice in there. It's the same job, the same people, the same everything. I've been contented for twenty-three years now. Going to a new place for even one year wouldn't go unloved.

This is something I don't think I'll ever be 'prepared' to do - not until I go and do it myself for this first time.

SO much more to say but I have a lot of things to do. Till next time!