Ending it.

So I've been trying to decide how to end the blog. It was only supposed to be over the course of a year, a take-down of my life as I tried to regain some sort of control over my own future. Instead of going to California, I ended up staying in Florida until August and, in August, moved to a state that I only thought about when watching 'Pocahantas' - a cold state, filled with horrible traffic and not a single person I knew.

While here, I grabbed a job, I made friends. Good friends, I think. I realized just how much I still had to learn about myself and that in order to do it, I have to step away from the familiar. For the first time in a long time, I finally began to grow up, whether or not anyone could see it, myself included.

When January rolled around and time to end the blog came, I tried to figure out how to end it all. January 2nd was going to be the last day, my 24th birthday. It happened to be the single most miserable birthday I've ever experienced, and I'm including the ones from 9-19 when I was an undiagnosed bipolar disordered person.

I posted nothing, because I couldn't decide what to say. This blog was never popular, only one or two people reading when I made a new post, and that never bothered me. The purpose of this, other than documenting it for myself, was to keep my family in touch with what I was doing in this new place, and how I was doing - Mom, especially, and Ashley.

Mid-January rolled around, and along came the birthday of my best friends late-father, Mr. Larry. He once told me that life itself is an adventure, and that while he loved me, I was doing no one any favors by holing myself up from the world. He said, I was the best friend his daughter had (because boys who were friends would later leave for other girls), I needed to encourage her to grow up along with me, and she would do the same.

He passed away when I was in the depths of my depression, on the verge of suicide. I didn't make it to his funeral, so consumed by my own grief of his passing, and my inability to cope with anything beyond lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I've never forgiven myself for that.

I like to think Mr. Larry has. Forgiven me, that is. I hope my friend has; we rarely talk about him.

On his birthday, I realized I wasn't ready to put away this blog; it contained a turbulent year of my life, something outside of the depression and the small bubble I kept myself in. Things happened, things changed, I got caught up on bills, of all things. I may be moving out, depending on work circumstances - I may be moving back to Florida, or Wisconsin, or to anywhere I damn well feel like going.

This year is a changing year for reasons outside of last year. My 23rd year on this Earth was taken up by discovery of, damn, I can do things. My 24th started off horribly, and I'm hoping will be filled with discoveries of myself, not just being able to complete things in my life.

So, O Reader(s), there will be another year of this blog. I'm hoping to update more frequently, with more things now going on in my life. Fingers crossed that this year will improve the same way that last year did (Car accident = no Cali = Virginia, Horrible birthday = GOOD YEAR, darnit).

Until next time, with new updates, with new awesome.

Yours.

Not Counting At This Moment!

The weight loss bit has been going badly but! I've gone to every class I can and most of my nasty eating habits are being weaned away. This is one journey for myself I'm refusing to give up.

My lack of updates isn't an indicator at lack of interest. Let us consider it a sign of me being Super Crazy Busy instead: life has thrown at me a job, lack of job, lack of money, karate, too much karate, not enough sleep, not enough time. No time for updating this blog, especially since I don't want to update with a single line of 'life is nuts, will post later'. Not my style! Heh.

Sensei told me that Shihan (her husband) said I impressed him a lot and that I caught on quickly. She said I was from a Tae Kwon Do background but that was for ten months over ten years ago so I seriously don't count it. My balance is horrible, my pushups are just barely the bending of elbows, my kick isn't straight, my punch is too high, I kick with my toes or heel instead of the balls of my foot.

Oh, well. I will be doing my little exercise DVD on the days I don't have class. Despite my gigantic sweet tooth, my happy butt with conquer! And write! And draw! I've been drawing more, perhaps a thing that's led to less updates. It's been keeping me busy and no less happier for it.

Work is keeping me on for an extra two weeks. Two weeks less of unemployment, two weeks more to find a summer job, and two more weeks of honest to god paychecks. Thank goodness for that as the car payments aren't getting cheaper and the car insurance is going to be coming out soon. Guh! My brain is going to explode with the stress. Knock on wood, though. Knock on wood.

Stories have been running through my face. Let's hope they get down on paper. Until next time!

T-Minus Forty Seven Days

Yesterday was fantastic! Mom was healing well from her surgery, I was able to get a very nice, very cheap but expensive looking two piece suit for interviews, and work went well. Then came the car accident.

I rear ended someone so as far as the state of Florida is concerned, I am at fault. Luckily, the woman is just fine (I don't think she was wearing her seat belt) and her car, a gigantic pick up truck, was only scratched. Everything that happened to her is purely plastic.

My car on the other hand has a crumbled hood, a burst radiator, the glass in the lights are out (although they still work, oddly enough). The gentleman at the repair shop said it looked worse than it actually is. I'm not hurt at all, just sore, tired, and cranky. The police officer looked as if he didn't want to give me the citation but, again, according to the state the crash was my fault.

It happened in rush hour. The other woman and I weren't going fast at all (I was barely clocking thirty eight). We were both slowing down in order to go into the turn lane that had been coming up. It was a bit stop and go, so I was getting even further back than one 'normally' would in the situation. Had it continued to be stop and go, we would have been fine, nothing would have happened.

However, she stopped cold. I'm talking her foot went to the floor, she stopped dead in the road. My foot slammed down as well. I had two choices in the span of five seconds: swerve and hit her still, ripping a huge hole in my car and go over a huge concrete hump, possibly going into a deep crevice or hit her straight on.

I hit her straight on. Hindsight, had I swerved, my car would have been worse off and I could very possibly been hurt very badly, even with my seat belt securely in place.

My parents showed up and once the status was put on my Facebook I received no less than three phone calls and multiple text messages/IMs. When checking my DeviantArt, there were four comments complimenting the short I had just posted. All of that made the day better.

Today, Dad and I went to the insurance company, repair shop, we filed our claim and put through my new registration. I was grumpy as hell, despite having passed out at an extremely early time and dozing for about three hours throughout the night. I'm better now, having ingested tea and gotten back into my home.



Poor Minion. We're still finding out what's going to be going down with that.

That said, I'm still planning on an Etsy account, depending on what sort of shipping options I can find. The one I used to get Beth her stuff STILL hasn't arrived and thus I dislike it. Her reaction will tell me if I can or cannot pull it off. Love you madly, Beth! :D Be a picky creature with them.

It's been suggested I put up my paypal account up. I'm not expecting jack from anyone, feel no obligation, but the person who suggested reads this and would get grumpy if I didn't do it. :P My paypal account address is nozomi_ga_kanau@hotmail.com If someone DOES decide to throw a few sheckles, call it a 'gift'.

See you all later. Hope everyone has a better weekend than myself! Heh.

T-Minus Sixty Nine Days

Beth was picked up in an (almost) timely manner. The flight delayed itself in Dallas/Ft. Worth due to slush/ice/snow and she ended up in Florida at a bright and shiny midnight! Having been up since eight AM, I was less than awake. Regardless, a lolita dress was worn in order to greet this Canadian arrival and all was well.

While waiting for her, I picked up a magazine at the airport. Shocked as I was to see something open at ten thirty in the evening, I just grabbed the most interesting looking magazine at the time. It happened to be a 'Scientific Mind' journal, with one of the leading articles about the internet and why social networks online are ruining the actual social networks in 'reality'.

It was an interesting article. In it, they said that blogs are made for the single purpose of trying to make a voice on the internet and to let everyone know exactly what it is they're doing each and every moment of each and every day.

Makes sense even when read aloud the first time. Of course, I had to think of my own blog and what it's purpose in 'life' is. I'm moving. It's a stressful time for me: I have less in the bank I need to make my car payment, I have other bills to add on to that and I have company until the 6th that makes me unable to work. Brilliant! So, the blog.

It's to help with the sanity, I think. I'm not expecting people outside of my close friends and family to read this, as it's of little interest to anyone else. The ramblings of some broke ass twenty something? Welcome to every other sob story out there on the streets. No, this is to keep everyone who worries about me in the know-all about what's going on. So Mom doesn't flip out, thinking I fell off the face of the Earth. If I don't call for a week? Blog says I'm out on the town, working overtime or something else equally time consuming. Fears abated!

Sounds rational. I like to think it is. Even when Dad sets out on the road, he can check every so often in case our phones don't connect or letters don't reach - something like that.

The internet is a place to be heard! It's something you go to in order to express yourself, to live your life. Does it destroy 'real' social networks by breaking down the barriers required to teach someone necessary social skills for the real world? Maybe. It depends on the person. For me, talking on the internet is a way of being able to communicate in order to BUILD on my social network.

Through the internet and forums such as Gaia and Livejournal, I've discovered many new friends - one of which is flopped beside me in pirate pajamas! It's why I'm moving, thanks to Darian and the backbone to actually do what it is I wanted to.

The job hunt starts on Friday. I refresh the resume and start sending it out to various places of (hopefully) future employment. Starting with the first paycheck of this new year, half will go into my savings account and remain untouched. No more buying books, games, take-out food - none of that! No! Bills, care payments, and that's it.

Fingers are crossed, my loves. Tomorrow brings with us a night of change, hyenas, and hopefully some good old fashioned roller coasters.

-Erin